He was Mine First
by kagomeofcourse
Summary: I could've killed him and been done with it then, I should have, it would've been the right thing to do. It would've spared me a lot of pain, but then I would never have loved either.


He was Mine First.

I could've killed him and been done with it then, I should have, it would've been the right thing to do. It would've spared me a lot of pain, but then I would never have loved either.

I didn't fall in love with him at first sight; no it was a gradual thing. I still don't know what kept me from killing him when I first saw him. I'm glad I didn't though, and for not having killed him he chose to protect me. I knew he would watch me from afar, I could always feel it. I knew he was protecting me; there were a great deal less demons after the jewel. That was not my only clue however; sometimes I would come across the battle fields or even the occasional remains. I was happier than I had been in a long time, ever since becoming a priestess. As time went on I trusted he would be there, I'd relax more, even sleep through the night or take a walk just to get out. Then I asked him to sit with me, and he did. After that we would often spend time together. We would talk, eat together, or just sit and enjoy each other's company. He would take me for boat rides down the river. I remember one time I had tripped getting on the dock and he had caught me that was the first time we had made contact. That was also when I realized I loved him.

He knew I was a priestess and the burden I carried, knew that we would never be allowed to be together. After thinking about it for a long time I came up with a solution. I wanted nothing more than to be like any other woman, to have a family, to be able to love, not have to be on guard at all times, ready for a fight, not able to trust anyone or anything, not even able to eat or drink without fear of poison. I knew he wanted the same. If we used the jewel it would grant our wish. If Inuyasha were human we could live together without any prejudice, have a family and grow old together. I proposed the idea to him and he agreed. I told him to meet me in the field the next day and we would be together as a couple forever.

I went to bed that night excited. I woke up the next morning, got the jewel and went to our designated meeting place a bit early. I stood watching the woods waiting for him to come out so we could start the rest of our lives together. I never saw him coming as he came at me from behind. Then I felt a searing pain in my shoulder and I fell to the ground from the force of the hit, the jewel falling a few inches away from my hand. I reached for it, only to have my hand smashed under his foot. He laughed at me as I lay there in agony unable to accept that he had deceived me so completely. He mocked me then took the jewel and left.

I got up and rushed back to the village as fast as I could manage. As I was heading up the stairs to the shrine I saw him heading toward me, I got out an arrow and took aim. But even in the face of what he had done I still couldn't kill him. Instead I called out his name, then pinned him to the tree. I walked over and picked up the jewel, as the village came running up to me. I demanded they burn the jewel with my body; I was going to end the needless suffering one way or another. And so Inuyasha would spend the rest of eternity stuck to the tree. Or so I had thought.

Then came the day I was reborn. The evil witch thought she could control me. If Inuyasha had been pinned to the tree as I had left him, my new life would've never been. Ultimately it was him who gave me life. If he had never said my name I would've remained dead, not having to bear the burdens of life, enjoying the bliss of nothingness. But fate would not have that, and so I had been granted a second life. After killing the witch that sought to be my master I fled before the girl could reclaim the part of her soul that had made its way to my clay body.

I met up with Inuyasha a few times after that, and learned the truth, that we had both been deceived. I also learned that the girl had taken my place in Inuyasha's heart. At first I was angry; he was supposed to be mine forever, until that despicable demon had ruined our lives. I decided to kill him; after all I was the only one who could get close enough to him to do it, as his heart still yearned for me. I had worked my way closer to him, and he had sought to kill me, very nearly succeeding. I am still unclear how I survived, my memories fuzzy and hazy. I knew that girl had something to do with it. After having a few encounters alone with her, I found myself almost admiring her. She was determined and refused to give up on me even when I would've had I been in her place. I knew the reason though; she knew Inuyasha would be sad if I had died again. I came to realize she loved him more than I did. And so after I had died, my body returning to the soil it had been and my soul finally finding release, I watched on as they together defeated the evil demon known as Naraku, completed the jewel, and it disappeared, taking the girl back to her own time. I watched Inuyasha for a time, saw how he grieved. I also watched the girl, saw how she grieved. After a time I decided to do what I could to make Inuyasha happy. I opened the well for the last and final time, allowing the girl to go back to Inuyasha, and she did. They were happy and my soul was happy. I loved him first and I was willing to see him happy even if it wasn't with me. I would always be close though, I would watch over them and all their descendants. The only way I could truly be with the half demon I had fallen in love with. I was content.


End file.
